our wee home

musings by michelle

Formula Fear

It crept up on me. Somewhere between the severe sleep deprivation of new-mom-hood, and the victory of sleeping (mostly) through the night with our wee babe, I stopped adding to the stockpile of frozen breastmilk. I don’t think the significance of this small act really hit me until this last week. My routine was disturbed and then I accidentally broke my pump (a replacement part is on the way). And it dawned on me: for every pumping session that I miss, we will use up one more frozen feeding, and one day I will run out of frozen milk.

Now, I know I KNOW, generations of babies have grown up on formula. What’s the big deal? Especially if it’s just as a back-up supplement? I don’t have an answer. All I know is that every time that I can’t seem to fill up a bottle for Norah, I feel an enormous sense of failure and near-panic. Someone told me this weekend that there are support groups for moms that are having trouble or who can no longer continue breastfeeding… and now I understand why. There is a completely irrational and deep sense of failure and guilt for a woman who can’t supply the most basic of her baby’s needs.

For now, I’m just trying to stay relaxed and stop catastrophizing. I try to push that very tangible frozen countdown out of my head. I’m very grateful that I’ve been able to nurse her at all. Bottom line, we want a happy and healthy daughter, and we’ll do the best we can.

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May 10, 2012 - Posted by | Parenting | , , , ,

2 Comments »

  1. I never built up a good enough stock frozen supply for the baby I’m currently feeding. We do a little formula once in a while now… I know how you feel!

    Comment by cornusella | May 10, 2012 | Reply

  2. […] blog since I wrote about my unmedicated birth experience when Norah was born, or my panic about the impending end of nursing her…  but this month gave me a life experience that I guess I need to write […]

    Pingback by Mother’s Day, 2013 « our wee home | May 30, 2013 | Reply


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